Reactions

I once received a gift. It came out of no-where, un-expected and it was very much the surprise that was intended. This gift was hidden in a hotel room, a room that had been booked with love and happiness. I found the box underneath the pillow, wrapped in a ribbon. My smile widened then smoothed out and I read the label. The pen is the tongue of the mind. The gift was of course a pen. The best part... the label.

I was so surprised, so grateful, not because of the gift, but the thought behind it. My reaction however… was never fully shown.

You could be the most composed, together and strong person... until something breaks your fall. Some people look for reactions, some people give surprise reactions and some people can't always show their reactions, even if they wanted too.

You can be caught off guard, hear the right thing and laugh a genuine giggle. You can be touched at a moment you feel most vulnerable, feeling weak and cry genuine tears.

Some reactions, no matter how much you fight them...happen.

Sometimes we over react, get childish or rude without really meaning too and other times we get the reaction we hadn't hoped or expected. Some things can make you bitter, make you so angry that they eat you up inside. Some things can cause an un-expected numbness, preventing reactions from happening for a long time after. Sometimes you can be surprised from your own reactions and realise things you hadn't known before or blocked out... sometimes you react slower than you had expected, hiding from them.

A reaction is and can only be, personal to you. You can't help a reaction, but you can try to understand them, never fully being able too.

Sometimes the biggest reaction is fear. Fear of the un-known, fear of the thing you never expected and fear you will get it all wrong. What if you never saw something coming and hadn't prepared for it... what if you weren't ready to react?

I guess the saying, 'there's never a bad reaction,' is in parts true, because at the very least it is honest.

It may take a while, it might come out wrong at first and it might even happen when you don't want or realise it. The truth is, we all react and everyone does it differently. Sometimes it might just take a while to get there and understand it even ourselves.

We can always guess a reaction, but never completely know.

This was originally written with a tongue that I didn't expect, wasn't sure if I was ready for and surprised me… very good ink.

Mistakes worth Making

Life is all about trial and error. It must be really, other wise we would have already realised our dreams, be in perfect suburban relationships with a picket fence around us, protecting us from those mistakes that we could have made. Some people find their love and life at the age of 13 and never look back, some people take a little longer and some realise a lot later the mistakes they made, having to start over again and wondering if they even can.

I wonder if Brad Pitt looks back 7 kids later and thinks he might have made a mistake? I wonder if the drama teacher at my old school wishes she had pushed harder to make it bigger? I wonder if the person who designed 'The Gherkin' really meant to make something that everyone now calls a type of pickle? I wonder.

I have heard many times, 'no one is perfect.' I don't believe that. I’ve met perfect. Perfect isn't the flawless term thrown around to describe something that no one can fault. Everyone has faults and surely it’s in these faults we actually learn that perfect is whatever we find perfect to be, there’s no rule, be it the perfect job, choice or person.

It sometimes seems like it would be the easiest thing in the world if we could fall into the perfect life, the positions we strive for and get the object of our desire. Honestly though what is so perfect about that? Isn't half of the reward the way we get there? I actually enjoy the journey, the challenge, the effort and hard work. The feeling of accomplishments reaching those goals and that feel of that first kiss. Where would be the fun in everyone winning the lottery? Plus if we all got the object we desired, David Beckham would have a hell of a lot of wives to please and I'm not sure how Victoria would cope with all that competition.

I once wondered if someone made a mistake by me, this question finally got answered and I realise more than ever now, how much we need these mistakes. Sometimes they can really kill us, sometimes they can be so frustrating, especially when it's a career changing moment that you know you are perfect for, but still don't reach it yet. That's the key word... yet. A mistake is just that, a lesson to learn, on your way to getting there, wherever there may be.

We make mistakes daily, some are mistakes that will definitely plague us and make us look back wondering if it will work out eventually and some are steps, steps towards the life that we fight so hard for. A mistake is worth making there is no question about it.

Sometimes you can see the mistake a mile off like Beatrice Windsor’s hat at the royal wedding and sometimes we make them and find out later. It's what you do next that’s what counts. Always apologise even if you don’t need too.

Always remember… not everything is a mistake.